I have gone back on forth on this post, debating on whether or not writing it was a good idea. The more I thought about it, however, the more I realized what a large role it plays in my journey. If my intention for writing here is to map out the path I am taking to go abroad, then I cannot genuinely leave this facet out.
What was my underlying motivation, the push that got me going on intentionally pursuing this dream that always seemed so far off? When it comes down to it, the only way I know how to put it, is I loved and I lost.
This is a topic I’m sure a good majority of you can relate to, in one way or another. The effect that heartache has on a person varies but the root of it is relatively the same, a loss of something that was and what could be. Everyone reacts to this differently, dependent upon many factors. Personality, upbringing, values, disposition, being the doer vs. being the receiver, etc. all play a role. But from what I’ve gathered any struggle in life results in one of two things: wallowing or motivation. I am a firm believer in the ever-present gray area, so this isn’t to say these two don’t go hand in hand at times. Yet overall the idea is the same, you can either be a victim of your circumstances or you can triumph over them. I’m not going to say that I didn’t wallow, but more importantly this struggle brought about my motivation.
For lack of a better way to phrase it, this experience scared me into realizing that I had almost missed out on a lot of life I still have to live. I am young, 21 years young to be exact and I almost settled down before even having a time of being unsettled. Now don’t get me wrong, I would have been very happy had that relationship worked out. Being the hopeless romantic that I am I believe love is something to be treasured when you’re lucky enough to find it. But it didn’t, and I have come to learn just how important a role timing plays in the reality of love, and in anything worth having in life for that matter. So there bred my motivation, I need to take advantage of opportunities while I have the chance, before the time passes me by.
“All this time I was finding myself, and I didn’t know I was lost.” Avicii